Sanctified Mourning

I recently lost the last of my grandparents. My grandmother was 81 years old. I am telling you all of this so that I can process these strange emotions. I have had to process the death of my brothers. When you mourn an addict, you mourn much of their life that was lost also because of their addiction. There is, however, the childhood that you remember and the glimpse of who they were. I did not have even this with my grandmother. I really have never seen anyone so emotionally detached except on Court TV. Don't think she wasn't pursued with grace and compassion. Don't think she wasn't loved by a good man. She was just sick. Her mother had killed her father and spent her growing up years in the pen. Can you imagine how that would scar you? She had obvious emotional scars that she never dealt with and mental illness that she never addressed. So, I found myself upon hearing of her death, mourning the grandmother I never really knew even though she was right there. I found myself remembering my own painful childhood. I asked God to assure me that she was in heaven (since she had accepted Christ) and that she was okay. He did. God reminded me how far reaching His grace is. He led me back to a post I wrote about my brothers and Whitney Houston. "But the Lord." No matter the depths of despair, addiction, or mental illness, she is free to be kind in her Father's arms. She is released from everything that bound her in this life and can easily love. I cannot wait to see that.

Here's a post about another of my grandparents to cheer you up:

                            "Surely it was for my benefit 
       that I suffered such anguish. 
       In your love you kept me 
       from the pit of destruction; 
       you have put all my sins 
       behind your back."
Isaiah 38:17


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