Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Not Viable

I just googled how to fold a fitted sheet. It seemed funny to me. I am not sure why. I think my own life is some big dramatic satire I watch and run commentary on. I don't even feel like writing. I wonder about many things. Why am I having such trouble carrying a child to term? Not viable. It sounds like I am broken. I don't want to be gossiped about or end up in any letters. This happened to me before and I found it humiliating. Controversy is currently stirring about me. I didn't want this today. Tears. I wonder about prophecy. Being given a word from the Lord does not entitle us to be unkind. How did Isaiah do it? Jeremiah? From what I understand, no one received Jeremiah's words. Was he less of a prophet? Did he say things the wrong way? His prophesies came true, believed upon or not. Where is the debate in that? What do I do now? How do we move on from here? Does anyone care? If I was lukewarm, would I yell at people who preached against it? Have I? Have you? Where is God leading us? In Hosea, inability to carry a child to term was a sign that God's people did not love God and were spiritually unable to carry the life force given to them? What does my womb speak to the church? Are we viable? Are we able to sustain life? Are we lukewarm? Will we be spit out of His mouth? Will He say He never knew us? Who are we trying to please? Do we really want God to change us? Do we truly want to enjoy Him? I stare at my daughter. Could she ever understand what I feel for her? Can my husband? Am I loving enough? Am I kind enough? I don't want to take for granted one second we have together. I think of Francis Chan's profile of the lukewarm in Crazy Love. He states,
"Do not assume you are good soil."
"Has your relationship with God actually changed the way you live?"
Has mine? He tells us to test our lives.
Those words he borrowed from Christ.

"Lukewarm people attend church fairly regularly, are perceived as good Christians, give money to charity as long as it doesn't impinge on their standard of living, choose what is popular over what is right when they are in conflict, are moved by stories about people who do radical things for Christ but fail to act, rarely share their faith, say they love Jesus and that He is a part of their lives, try to assure you that radical devotion is not possible for the average person, think about life on earth much more than eternity, are thankful for their luxuries, feel called to minister to people in their socioeconomic status, do anything to keep from feeling guilty, play it safe, were baptized, structure their lives so they do not have to live by faith, drink and swear less than the common man, and equate their partially sanitized lives to holiness.
Their lives wouldn't look much different if they stopped believing in God."
- Francis Chan

"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven." -Matthew 7:21

"So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth." -Revelation 3:16

"Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is fit neither for the soil nor for the manure pile; it is thrown out.

"He who has ears to hear, let him hear." -Luke 14:34-35

"Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance?" -Romans 2:4

Francis was not saying that the blood of Christ is not able to clean the vilest of sinners. He is saying many of us have never allowed it to. Do we serve leftovers to a holy God? What do you want to do now? What would our lives look like if we were in love with our heavenly Father? Much different.

They must look much different.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Congress Avenue Bat Colony - Austin, TX

The largest urban bat colony in North America is located in Austin. It boasts 1.5 million bats. A few years ago, we saw the bats, after eating, from the top of the bridge. They came out for an hour and a half. This year, we decided to take advantage of the Austin American Statesman's free bat parking (after 6 p.m.) and have a fantastic picnic. We arrived at 6:30 and got a great spot on the grassy knoll between Lady Bird Lake and the Statesman offices. The blankets were laid out and the culinary fare did abound. The bat information that I saw on the web said that the bats come out around sunset. They actually start heading out around 7:30 and it goes on until after dark. August is said to be the best bat viewing because all of the bats that were born in June are now also flying. There are no public bathrooms at this locations. Go before you come. You can also see the bats from TGIF on Congress. Next year, I think our family will try the river boat cruise.
The people watching and glowing light sabers make the grassy knoll worth the visit!

Blessed Bat Watching!

Monday, August 17, 2009

Do You Want A Friend? by Noel Piper

Additional post below this review.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading each page of this book to my little girl. With each turn, we would see the attributes of Christ's friendship and the Scripture to compliment it. It is a simple and easy to read format that a child can readily understand. I love that we can read scripture to her and that her mind is saturated with it. Like any book your child loves to read, they can repeat it back to you word for word. The colors and illustrations are brilliant. Five Stars.

Friday, August 14, 2009

A Bend in the Road

Yesterday, I delighted in wearing my grandmother's pearls to the market. I saw a woman there buying brilliant red gerber daisies. I liked her right away . . . knowing that she must have a vibrant zest for life. We never spoke.

"I have been married for six years," I thought as I sat in the church we were married in. Celebrated at the same place we went on our first "date" to. It's not the same eatery we first dined in, but it was still lovely. Things change so much and go so fast. My grandparents ranch has a for sale sign in front of it. People lived there. I stared at things my grandparents owned for sale in antique stores. I knew the stories. Perhaps that's why I love antiquing. Stories. Life. I bought a beaded evening bag that I fully intend to carry in the day. I wondered if some of my deceased family members that sat next to me in church on Sundays growing up are really in heaven. How can people say words like fag, nigger, or that they hope others burn in hell call themselves Christian? How could I do some of the things I did and call myself one? I would tell you that I am an avid reader, but rabid is a better word. I was lost in Redeeming Love this week. Tell everyone to get this book and learn to love when it hurts and actually costs you something. I get Sarah. She was eight. I was five. The reconciliation to God had been more painful and unbelievable than the injuries. She learned to trust and live vibrantly. She learned to sacrifice and celebrate her healing . . . by giving it away. She built a house for people to stay in for healing. I connected with that. I want people who are injured and feel weary from their journey to come here, rest, and eat food drenched in healing butter. If I can only do one thing with my life, let me bless you, Lord. I have gone from Francine River's Redeeming Love to Francis Chan's Crazy Love in the last twenty-four hours. I was mesmerized in the first few pages. I wonder if most of the people around me are serving God to be noticed. When we focus so much on the spiritual warfare and all we endure, we rob God of the glory and praise He is due. I wonder if church is too easy. I wonder who of my friends are making secret sacrifices. I wonder who is discipling, loving, and praying. Do you think we should do things in a public ministry if we do not do them in a private one? If we do not sacrificially disciple one on one, should we ever be brazen enough to teach publicly? Though we say we glorify God with our mouths, does our need for recognition betray us? I feel betrayed myself . . . perhaps dying on a vine. I had to make a list of my wounds this week in The Mind of Christ. They were all by Christians. What are we doing? What kind of Christ are we showing to this dying world? What kind of Christ are we showing each other? What happened to John telling us they would know us by our love for each other? What happened to counting our brother ahead of ourselves? We are jockeying for position, mass teaching without intimacy. Christ hangs His head. When will you simply be Christ at home? When will you respect your husband, quit yelling at your children, and minister to the people in your family that you hate to be around?
When will I? Feed my sheep. All of them.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Julie and Julia

Denbigh took me to see Julie and Julia yesterday on our sixth wedding anniversary. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Mostly, I must say, because it touted one of my life's mottos, "Butter!" This movie tells the two tories of two women who had no idea who they were or where they were going. Discouragement had come over and over. Through life, love, and, of course, butter, the overcame their circumstance to embrace passion. I highly recommend it. Perhaps you are looking for something more in your life and need a touch of inspiration. Check out this movie. There are a few curse words, Christian friends, but nothing vile or vulgar. Enjoy!

Monday, August 03, 2009

And the Winner is . . .

Congratulations to Carla Thomas of Waco, TX! You have won a complimentary copy of
the Jesus test by Robert Barge.

Keep checking in every Tuesday. We will have more contests soon!

Miscarriage | Infertility | Hope

I encountered Jesus as a young child in a church pew in the balcony of an old country church. Through a lifetime of trial, I knew he was the...