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Tuesday, January 07, 2020

You’re Not Listening by Kate Murphy


  A few months back I was sitting in a room attempting to share something deeply personal. The people there started discussing it amongst themselves and formulating opinions out loud about it. No one asked me any questions or dialogued with me about it in any way. My sharing felt completely pointless. 

That evening I came home to the first 55 pages of this book in my inbox from the publisher. You’re not listening. Exactly. I read those first pages right then and quickly fell in book love. 

I’m a listener. I have fought hard against shyness, introversion, and anxiety to learn to ask good questions. My heart ebbs and flows on people feeling seen and finding healing. I love people. The personality type that I would call the kryptonite to my calling is the no breath, no pause, non-stop talker. If you can’t stop talking, I know you have no desire to listen and I don’t talk. My brain shuts itself off.

Dear extreme extroverts, never underestimate the power of a good edit. 

I cannot even begin to tell you how brilliant, thought out, researched, and well-written this is. Kate has interviewed everyone from CIA interrogators in bulletproof cars to grandmas over tea. Her background at The New York Times is on full display. She has learned the uncommon art of listening to learn and hearing what isn’t being said. 

I read one person’s comment that this is a perfect tool for dining table or board room. You can stop talking at and talk with. You can stop being distracted and engage. You can change the questions you’re asking to build real relationships with the people around you. You can stop putting your ego ahead of other people’s vulnerabilities. You can learn to listen. 

Listening to others changes our inner dialogue. How we talk to ourselves effects how we hear others. The main regret people have at the end of their lives is how they related to their family. Learning to listen will change the conversation at your table and the depth of your relationships. Read it...for all of us.

Celadon Books graciously gave this book for review.



Thanks for reading and supporting 

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